Monday, August 08, 2005

«HOOEY» COMES CLEAN!

Relax. There is nothing wrong with your computer! Nor has this site been hacked. It's simply time to put this baby to bed. It's been a fun trip, but after 10,000 hits it's time to move on to other things.
That's right. In case anyone is still wondering, this is satire! (You nailed it, Hawkeye!) I am not a 21 year-old, dope-smoking, spellingly challenged, shallow, left-wing looney, Ivy League legacy brat. No, I'm a 45-year old father of two great daughters who has been a conservative since high school - before I could even vote! I'm a product of the Catholic School System where I received a conservative education. Thank God I wasn't subjected to public school. (Josh Fahrni, your parents are so right to home-school you!) I never tried weed, even non-inhaling. Oh, and yes I can spell!
Why start this blog? Well, back in 2004, I was surfing the net, reading various blogs. Running across some lefty blog, DU I think it was, I decided to have a little fun. I came up with this blithering blather about passive survival and how we need to talk to Usama binLaden and building a mosque at Ground Zero. I wanted to see what reaction I got from the lefties. Only problem is, you have to register at DU and many other lefty sites. I didn't want to do that because I knew someone that did it and kept getting spammed. What to do? So finally I decided to post it on a conservative blog, ScrappleFace, and let everyone beat up the lib. I chose the name, «Howie», because it just sounded like a whiny, sanctimonious liberal weenie. (Apologies to any Howards or Howells out there!)
Howie soon became a created character with a personality. Howie is arrogant, whiny, a know-it-all; he's shallow. Howie's «knowledge» is all by rote. It's all surficial; he has his lefty views but he really hasn't a clue why. Howie doesn't believe, he «feels». When challenged on his views he doesn't defend them, he falls back on, «Presemt a neocon wiht the facts abd the tuth and recieve an ad-nominem pesonal attack in returm». His spelling is right out of public school. Oh, and Howie uses these irritating «European» quotation marks.
After the 2004 election, I decided that Howie needs a blog of his own. I looked at Typepad, but they charge; Howie was not that important to become another bill for me to pay. Finally, this past spring, I discovered Blogger and, after being urged by dean04prez to"totaly start a blog of you're own", I started this blog.
Building upon Howie's arrogance, I started comment-spamming blogs on both the right and the left. You know, "Nice blog..." This got me traffic. I got conservatives who were angry at this lib brat spamming their site; I got libs, many of whom were totally supportive of Howie's views, no matter how extreme. And I deliberately pushed the envelope on that, too. Some of the libs seemed like sincere people who just had the wrong views; nonetheless they were sincere. Others were the type where you just want to take a shower after visiting their site. I found a veritable ocean of great conservative blogs. Camojack, Josh, Beerme, many others. (See sideboard.) Sorry about the stupid comments, guys.
The puppet face. About that. There's a reason. That puppet was called Dorshock and it was on The Sandy Becker Show, a New York kids' show from the 50s and 60s that I used to watch. Dorshock's entire vocabulary was, "blah, blah, blah, blah." Suits Howie doesn't it.
So, time to put Howie away. I haven't decided whether to stay on as a conservative blog, or to shut down, but it's been fun, especially reading the great responses to Howie everyone has posted!
A big thank you goes out to the great Scott Ott of ScrappleFace and Professym Lawrence "Liberal Larry" Chomstein of BlameBush for inspiration for this project.

37 Vignettes:

At 10:57 PM, August 08, 2005, Blogger Miss Hobby vignetted...

I'll comment first since others may be momentarily stunned to silence..lol.

Honestly, I find it an interesting project, but also upsetting that you would use issues I believe to be seriously important as joke and entertainment.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do with your Conservative time. Btw, I'm a product of public schooling and I find most times it's very dangerous to lump people together into one stereotype :) Take care.

 
At 12:51 AM, August 09, 2005, Blogger JR vignetted...

Howie,
  Plausible Deniability…    Cool…
Boy was I wrong; I believed you were CG, 44 and living in Virginia…
And your name is really Hooey and from ONJ, I never would have believed it…
Ha… Ha…
JR

 
At 1:53 AM, August 09, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous vignetted...

Awesome Blog! I added you to my bookmarks. Feel free to check out my Playstation 3 Blog anytime!

 
At 3:40 AM, August 09, 2005, Blogger Josh Fahrni vignetted...

That was great man. It got fun writing (to myself really) about you. I knew you weren't as bad as you came off, and even if you were a liberal, I knew it wasn't that extreme. That's why I was looking for an email address from you. Was going to just find out, ask you nicely...whatever...It was great, and I got addicted to coming here, attacking you, even though I didn't mean, or believe half the things I (or you :-P) had to say lol. You need to stay, keep this open, I'd come back. I'm curious to see what the brilliant person behind this charade really feels and believes.

For some reason I'm smiling, you made my day with this somehow lol. And all of it only proves how extreme some people are...I appreciate the kind words, and I'm almost bummed that it's over. Sorry for all the...anger lol, but I'm sure you got worse...way to take one for the team.

Stay open, write as a conservative...and if you can't...find a way to keep in touch...howie :-D.

It was an awesome run.

 
At 12:07 PM, August 09, 2005, Blogger hooey vignetted...

Miss Hobby
Sorry about the issues; I meant no harm. I also believe them to be important. In satire there can be no political correctness; it goes beyond mere entertainment. My target was never the issues, it was the left.
There are clearly great public schools; there are also people who turn out OK in spite of their public school education. No harm intended there.

Josh

Thanks for your kind words! I never minded the attacks; it's what Howie was here for. Beat up on the lib. (I actually couldn't resist posting a few "anonymous" comments on a few of the more extreme threads.) I was actually ROFLMFAO at many of the brilliant and witty attacks posted by you and others!
As to what I believe, it would probably be very close to your views, Josh. Keep bloggin', man.

 
At 12:28 PM, August 09, 2005, Anonymous moonbatty vignetted...

I always suspected, and now I know for sure. All the "ranting moonbats" that conservatives point up as examples of left-wing idiocy?

They're all right-wing satirists.

Time to start a right-wing satire site that says things like "Who cares if little kids starve? It's better than my paying $1.20 extra a month in taxes to feed someone else's brats." and "separation of church and state is a myth. The state can make any religion they want into the state religion as long as they don't actually go so far as to declare it the religion"... And.. Oh, it will be so much fun!

 
At 4:58 PM, August 09, 2005, Anonymous freethinker vignetted...

lol.. Great Job on the satire. Yes, I have kind of dropped off of the face of the earth, blogging-wise, anyway, I simply have very little time anymore.
But anyway, just wanted to say your blog was always on my favorites list and I checked it periodically.
Thanks for the laughs!

 
At 5:27 PM, August 09, 2005, Blogger Cecil The Ninja vignetted...

Absolutely. Fucking. Brilliant.

Even if he's jerking our collective chains, it's still funny. A satire of a satire, if you will.

 
At 6:08 PM, August 09, 2005, Blogger Chairman eDog vignetted...

Wait, are you telling the truth now?

 
At 7:10 PM, August 09, 2005, Blogger Cecil The Ninja vignetted...

I would hereby like to apologize for all inappropriate comments I have made (ad hominem attacks, *ahem*) against the Webmaster. This is a brilliant peice of satire.

I didn't beleive it was serious. I'm just an angry, bitter person looking for utterly pointless subjects of debate.

 
At 9:12 PM, August 09, 2005, Blogger Drago Milovechek vignetted...

Who are you and wat have you done with Howie

 
At 11:09 PM, August 09, 2005, Blogger TripleNeckSteel vignetted...

Knew it. You still got me wound up though.

Why aren't I linked, howie?

 
At 10:00 AM, August 10, 2005, Blogger tomaig vignetted...

Well, I'll admit it - you fooled me.
I could just picture you, "Howie", hunched over your PC in some dank dorm room, reeking of pizza and Clearasil and full of righteous indignation as your careless fingers flew over the keyboard because, you know, there are some things more IMPORTANT than mere spelling or grammar. Like putting the brakes on the EEEEEVIL BusHitlerCheneyRiceFeld Quadumvirate Juggernaut.

Good going.....


P.S. Check out http://blamebush.typepad.com
more funny funny stuff

 
At 1:34 PM, August 10, 2005, Anonymous Liberal Larry vignetted...

Satire? Satire is the last refuge of simple minds. I say good riddance to bad rubbish!

 
At 3:22 PM, August 10, 2005, Blogger Robert G. vignetted...

I have a hard time differentiating between satire and stupidity in the current political environment.

Having said that, listing Justin Timberlake in your favourite music profile was a bit of a giveaway. You got greedy.

 
At 7:08 PM, August 10, 2005, Blogger hooey vignetted...

TNS
Consider yourself linked.

tomaig
Exactly the image I pictured when I first thought of Howie, as well as the image I attempted to convey.

Liberal Larry
Honored to have you visit the site, Professym!

Robert G.
I'm not really into Justin Timberlake.

 
At 9:58 PM, August 10, 2005, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy vignetted...

Great stuff!
Keep up the excellent blogging.

 
At 12:00 AM, August 11, 2005, Blogger The trotting Possum vignetted...

I always suspected you were too cool to be the dumbass you pretended to be! Your sense of humor is too finely tuned to be one of the grim types you pretended to be.

Good luck and God bless you on your next venture...or will that be another adventure? Confession is truly good for the soul. I wish I could write as well from the other side of the coin!

Robt W....founder and Chief Executive Opossum at UPI.

 
At 1:36 PM, August 11, 2005, Blogger Emerson vignetted...

Howie finally came out of the closet! The sublimation articles were always my favorite.

 
At 2:58 PM, August 11, 2005, Anonymous RWing Nut vignetted...

I am devastated to learn that Howie isn't real. Who will educate my grandchildren in progressive values? Oh wait, progressives have no values. Thus endth the lesson.

 
At 6:54 PM, August 11, 2005, Blogger Cecil The Ninja vignetted...

Doesn't everyone love comments from spamming viral marketeers?

(Note, not marketers, Marketeers.)

 
At 8:22 PM, August 11, 2005, Blogger Libby Gone™ vignetted...

Sometimes you have to shake the tree to get the moonbats to fly out. I oughtta know. Don't quit blogging, either way it stimulates the synapses.

 
At 7:24 AM, August 12, 2005, Blogger camojack vignetted...

And how many times did I express my doubts that "howie" was for real?

Just remember who first called you "hooey"...oh, and many thanks for pride of place on your blogroll right aprés ScrappleFace.

BTW, the offer to have a few beers together stands...

 
At 8:06 AM, August 12, 2005, Blogger camojack vignetted...

One other thing...I really must put this on my blog; I'm pretty sure you won't mind...

 
At 9:40 AM, August 12, 2005, Blogger !!WAKE UP!! vignetted...

Gotta give credit where credit is due. "Satire" is deffinatly the right word for your collective and openminded thoughts posted throughout your mini blogo-sphere.
You obviously have enough imagination, inginuity, writing talent, sense of humor and spare time to express yourself from almost 3rd person.
I have a hard time understanding just where you stand the important issues you've made spoof of or if you're even sure what you believe yourself; but you have deffinatly raised awarness from multiple angles throughout the public with a progresive uncencored medium.

Keep on Bloggin.

 
At 11:23 AM, August 12, 2005, Anonymous Rocky Mtn. Lioness (or CKCat) vignetted...

Well, well, well....while you had about 98% of Scrapplefacers undies all up in a wad, I dared to be one of the first to NOT take you seriously and "out" you. (seems most of them thought I was the loonie for doing so, too!)

[X-TREME SARCASM ALERT!!!] Bummer that the pic is just a puppet, I (*Mrs. Robinson")was thinking your were HOT!! HOT!! HOT!!!

I haven't hung out here much in a long while, but I have to admit some serious curiosity as to what "N" and mad "Mack" have to say to ya now, Howster. I'm gonna wager a bet it will require a parental advisory...heh!

And I imagine there's a real possiblity that your kindred *spirit* Dean04 might just use this opportunity to go ho'-ing his blog like you did yours now with this "breaking news". You've betrayed the DUnderground.....!

Your poor teenage girls have a demented daddy! tsk tsk tsk (~;)

 
At 11:31 AM, August 12, 2005, Blogger SGT USMC 1ea vignetted...

Sorry I almost outed you early on several occasions. I tried to avoid doing so on your blog. I pasted below a copy of one such occasion where I was telling a couple of Scrapplers to avoid bashing your spelling:


You and G.A.N should however realize that howie is a misunderstood genius. He is one of several progressive Liberal Larry spin-offs. If one were to create a parrotty uf a progressive it would necessarly include bad spelling. there is no wrong way to spell and people need to be accepting of others writing styles. an try to accomdate them. in th einterest of progressive acceptance. it is the thot that counts not how it is writed.

Deus es Semper Fideles

Posted by: SGT USMC 1ea at April 28, 2005 10:47 PM

 
At 6:54 PM, August 12, 2005, Anonymous prettyold vignetted...

Well, I believed you, but I still liked you. I always figured if we keep libs coming back to Conservative sites ,eventually we would win them over. See ,it worked ! It helped that you aged so quickly 21 -45 overnight. I think i'm going to miss little Hoiew, though.
I don't feel as bad as I did when I found out Rock Hudson was Gay.

 
At 7:55 PM, August 12, 2005, Anonymous Momto10 vignetted...

Tsk, tsk, tsk!

 
At 12:05 AM, August 13, 2005, Blogger Kajun vignetted...

Don't fall for this hoax! Read more...

 
At 5:36 PM, August 14, 2005, Blogger Beerme vignetted...

Well, I'll resist the urge to say "I told you so", but really I did.
I've enjoyed all your kumbaya comments at Scrappleface and elsewhere, knowing all along that you were being satirical. Good job on keeping up the charade for so long!

Oh, and thanks for the link!

 
At 8:08 PM, August 14, 2005, Blogger Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II vignetted...

Hilarious, just Hilarious!

however, when you posted on a few of our sites I thought you were just insane.

 
At 12:27 PM, August 16, 2005, Blogger Hawkeye® vignetted...

Mr. Hooey Sir,
Congratulations. Thanks for the hat-tip in your post... and thanks for linking to me in your sidebar.

Regards,
Hawkeye®

 
At 7:39 PM, August 17, 2005, Blogger Evil Ed vignetted...

I can't believe you fooled anyone. This blog is just further proof that conservatives wouldn't know funny if it forcibly sodomized them.

 
At 5:32 PM, August 18, 2005, Anonymous JannyMae vignetted...

Ah, yes, Evil Ed. This from a person whose idea of blogging is calling anyone who disagrees with him an idiot!

Frankly, I never particularly saw much humor in Howie, but I do know what is funny when I see it. You paint with an awfully broad brush, Ed, but if it helps to make you feel, "superior," to hold that opinion about conservatives, you go right ahead!

By the way, I don't think any conservatives were fooled by Howie, but there definitely were some liberals who were!

 
At 3:44 PM, August 19, 2005, Blogger SGT USMC 1ea vignetted...

Ouch, evil ed just forcibly sodomized me in a manner reminiscent of jenghis khan. Thank goodness the lack of equipment on his part made it completely painless and believe it or not very humourous. ROFLMBOGHIDOSIE.

 
At 9:21 AM, December 24, 2005, Blogger Bubblehead vignetted...

Dude, I totally knew you were satire, too!

 

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